Responding to Preschool & School-Age Behaviors

Family

Behaviors & Emotions Preschool Age Children School Age Children Special Needs

When behaviors become challenging

One of the biggest challenges parents face is managing difficult or defiant behavior. Whether your child is refusing to put on their shoes or throwing full-blown tantrums, you can find yourself at a loss for an effective way to respond. Behavioral therapy techniques can provide a roadmap to calmer, more consistent ways to manage problem behaviors. Use these strategies to help your child build the developmental skills needed to regulate their own behaviors.

The Antecedent-Behavior-Consequence (ABC) Model

Understanding the ABCs will help you know how to best support your child’s emotional development. Children move through behaviors in three stages: Antecedent (before), Behavior (during), and Consequences (afterward). Children can change their behaviors during any of these stages but the approach is the same.

Connect with a SpecialistPrint Resource

Upcoming Workshop - A Parent’s Guide to Preschool and School-age Behaviors

November 11th, 12:00 - 1:00 p.m. Join us as we explore the meaning behind your child’s behavior and how parents and caregivers can set age-appropriate expectations.

Antecedents

The "what" that comes right before a behavior, also known as a trigger. Antecedents are factors that make a behavior more or less likely to occur.

Example: A parent lets their child know it is time to clean up for bed.

Behaviors

The specific actions you are trying to encourage or discourage.

Example: The child screamed "No! I won't clean up!"

Consequences

The results that naturally or logically follow a behavior. Consequences (positive or negative) affect the likelihood of a behavior recurring.

Example: The parent said "I understand that you are not ready to clean up. It is time for bed" and ignored the yelling.

Prevention strategies

Antecedents come in many forms. Some lead to behavioral challenges while others are helpful tools in preventing potentially problematic behaviors.

Clear expectations

Don’t assume kids know what is expected of them. When children are unsure of what they are supposed to be doing, they’re more likely to misbehave.

Eye contact

Be sure to tell children important instructions face-to-face. Things yelled from a distance are less likely to be remembered and understood.

Transition warnings

Transitions are hard for most kids. Giving transition warnings gives children the chance to find a good stopping place.

Situational Awareness

Consider and manage environmental and emotional factors — hunger, fatigue, anxiety or distractions can all make it much more difficult for children to rein in their behavior.

Environment

When it’s homework time, for instance, remove distractions like video screens and toys, provide snacks, establish an organized place for kids to work, and make sure to schedule some breaks — attention isn’t infinite.

Choices

Giving a structured choice you can live with can help children feel empowered and encourage self-regulation. For example, "Do you want to take a shower after dinner or before?"

Their behaviors are communicating a message...

Children do not act out for "no reason." There is always a trigger, and their behavior is communicating to you what they might need. Use this resource to help you identify your child's triggers and provide emotional support that matches their need.

Tantrum Triggers

Avoiding Power Struggles

Pick your battles

When children hear “no” or “stop” multiple times of day, they can easily get frustrated and ignore direction. When deciding what behaviors to focus on, ask yourself:

Will this hurt them or someone else?
Will this cause damage to property?
Does this go against our family’s rules, values, or beliefs?
Do we have to move onto something else? (bedtime, leaving the house, etc.)

If the answer is no to all of these it is likely a behavior you can simply redirect or ignore.

Encouring Positive Behaviors

Rewards and Consequences

Behaviors are more likely to happen again when followed by a positive consequence like specific, verbal praise or a reward.

Positive Rewards:

Praise and Encouragement

Identifying

Effective Consequences

Not all consequences are created equal. Some are an excellent way to create structure and help kids understand the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviors while others have the potential to do more harm than good.

Positive attention for positive behaviors: Giving your child positive reinforcement for being good helps maintain the ongoing good behavior.
Ignoring: Ignore unwanted behaviors that do not cause harm to self or others (like talking back, eye rolling, tantrums, etc.). By withholding your attention until you get positive behavior you are teaching your child what behavior gets you to engage.
Rewards: Rewards are a way to give children positive feedback for desired behaviors. A reward is something a child earns, an acknowledgement that they are doing something that’s difficult for them. Always link rewards to specific behaviors and always deliver them consistently.
Time outs: Time outs are an effective tool for giving everyone a break. You and your child can create a space together that has items that can help them calm down, like things to squeeze, sensory bottles, and a visual timer. One minute per age is a good rule-of-thumb for the time your child should spend taking a break.

Time outs are not appropriate for children under two and a half who cannot connect the time out with the action. Instead, separate them from what is causing the issue and give them a break (with you) – this allows everyone time to relax.
Be clear and consistent: Establish which behaviors will result in a consequence and consistently administer when that behavior occurs. Consistency helps children connect behaviors with consequences.
Return to the task: If you gave a time out for not complying with a task, once it ends, you should instruct the child to complete the original task. This way, kids won’t begin to see time outs as an escape strategy.

https://childcareanswers.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Rewards-and-Consequences-Featured-Video-1.png

Using Rewards and Consequences to Manage Behaviors

It’s not easy to keep kids motivated. A system of rewards and consequences at home could be just the incentive your child needs. Join us for tips and ideas for putting a solid system in place for your family.

Using Behavioral Strategies to Decrease Challenging Behaviors

Developing Emotional Regulation Skills

Expert Tips to Manage Outbursts

Featured Resource

3 Ways to Defuse Behaviors

Use this infographic when your child is experiencing a tantrum or you need help defusing their behavior.

Mental Health

Whether you are looking for activities to support your child’s development or ways to find your calm – build into your child’s early experiences with these resources.

For Children

Books about Emotions

Explore

For Parents

Mental Health Resources

Coming soon!

For Everyone

Social Stories

Advocating for my Child at Child Care: Challenging Behaviors

Tips for Better Parent-Teacher Communication

How to Help Your Child With Self-Advocacy