Guidance and Discipline

Family

Behaviors & Emotions Infants & Toddlers Preschool Age Children School Age Children

Positive Parenting Techniques

You’ve asked your child to pick up their toys. Calmly. Clearly. Rationally.

Instead of cleaning up, you get nothing. You have been ignored.

“Maybe they didn’t hear me?” you think. So, you ask again calmly. Firmly, but nicely.

Nothing. So you get a little louder…Still nothing.

You feel frustrated with repeating yourself. You have fallen into the repeat, remind, repeat remind cycle once again.

And then it happens–BOOM! The fuse has blown. Out of options and feeling defeated, you’re left screaming the same demands you had requested calmly just minutes ago. Your child looks at you like you have three heads. The energy escalates and everyone is left frustrated and discouraged.

Guiding Children’s Behaviors

It doesn’t have to be like this. Sure–there will be times that things escalate. But for the most part, there are easier, calmer, and more effective ways of guiding your child’s behavior.

Children have a hard-wired need for power

Children of all ages–toddler through teens–have a hard-wired need for power and control. This is not a bad thing! This need for power drives young children to develop independence, to learn and challenge themselves, and to become their own person. Children thrive when you give them positive options such as choosing which clothes to wear, climbing into the car themselves, or picking what game to play. If you don’t offer these positive choices, they will exert their power negatively

Connect with a Specialist

Featured Resource

Punishment vs. Discipline

Compare the differences between punishment and discipline strategies to discover ways to positively influence and guide your child's behaviors.

Guiding Your Child's Behavior Through Positive Parenting Strategies

Children lack control within their daily lives. Their schedule is distracted for them and much of the day is planned out and controlled by the adults in their lives. Power struggles emerge when children seek to assert their independence and control. Because children do have control over their body and language, the most common power struggles occur when children refuse or ignore our requests. However, by implementing a few easy-to-learn positive parenting techniques, you can give your child power within your boundaries--or "choices within a set of limits."

Think Prevention

Think about the situations that are most likely to lead to toddler defiance and come up with workarounds. For example, if there are frequent battles over getting dressed in the morning, offer two outfits that work for you and allow your child to choose their favorite.

Offer Choices
Plan Ahead
Give Transition Warnings
Use a Timer or Picture Schedule
Provide Concrete Cues
Follow Through

Respond with Empathy

Validate your child’s feelings. Remember that it’s not the child’s feelings that are the problem, it’s what your child does with their feelings that can be challenging. Validating does not mean “giving in” but rather provides acknowledgement that their feelings and opinions matter.

Validating sounds like:

“I hear how sad you feel that you can’t wear your dinosaur costume to preschool”
“I know you don’t want to put your pajamas on. It’s hard to go from playtime to bedtime.”

Create a "Yes" Environment

Instead of “No we can’t go to the park,” try “The park sounds awesome! Should we go Friday after school or Saturday morning?”

While there will still be situations that require a hard “no,” by offering more “yeses” you’ll increase the chances your child will tune you back in.

Pick Your Battles

The easiest way to avoid an unnecessary battle is to take a few seconds to ask yourself: “Is this a limit I really need to set?” Some things are just really not worth the fight. If it does not hurt someone or something, it might be a behavior you can ignore.

Guiding Behaviors

Three Easy Steps

Kids and adults alike have a need to be seen and heard. When this need isn’t met, kids will stop listening to us.

Step 1

Do Away With Don’t

Negative commands, such as “don’t” and “no” require kids to double process. Kids have to answer two questions:

What do they NOT want me to do?
What do they want me to do instead?

Step 2

Make Eye Contact

When you need your child’s attention, make sure you get their attention–that means eye contact. When you lower yourself down and look them in the eye, you know your child sees and hears you–strengthening communication and your bond with your child.

Step 3

Ensure Comprehension

A simple way to ensure your child has heard you and that she understands is to ask her to repeat back what you said.

A Tidbit about Toddlers

A toddler’s attention span is short, so focusing on redirecting their attention and keeping guidance short, sweet, and simple. Show and tell them what you want them to do, and practice, practice, practice.

Toddler Behaviors & Emotions